Lie No. 9 | 10.10.18

Sams + I wanted to remind you #ItsOkayNotToBeOkay ... all the time. I’m about as natural as a can of La Croix when it comes to opening up. Sue me.😉 Mocking yet another hashtag internet holiday I didn’t know existed feels more natural to me than diving into the surprisingly crowded sea of vulnerability happening on social media today. But what kind of Therapy Influencer™️ would I be if I sat out a day like #WorldMentalHealthDay?!
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A friend recently asked why I even bother going to therapy if I never actually show up. It simply doesn’t come naturally to me. Plus, the perfectionist in me relishes the opp to put my MA in BS to the ultimate test. Mere mortals are easy to fool; no one’s ever really listening. Therapists, on the other hand, are profesh.
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You know how when you get sick you take your WedMD diagnosis to your doc basically for a courtesy second opinion + the Rx the website can’t write? I do the opposite for therapy. I research the shit out of whatever I’m feeling then describe the opposite, or at least come armed with tried + true tools for managing it. Anxious? Practicing mindfulness + breathing, duh. Overwhelmed? Making lists; nothing beats that sweet taste of accomplishment, amiright, doc?! 👊🏻 I know, I know... It’s basically emotional prostitution + should be illegal. I pay someone to listen to me say all the right things then tell me how great I’m doing + how together I seem to have everything. Then I pay, leave, scream into my steering wheel + go back to decidedly not having it all together. #FakeItTillYouMakeItOrYourTherapistSaysIt
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That’s not to say I’m never open. I’m a devout follower of the Armor & Alibi Approach to Vulnerability, recommended to no one, by no one. There are two times I ever open the vault: when the weight of the armor wears me down + when I need an alibi for bad behavior, usually packaged as an apology. The latter approach doesn’t get as much action these days, fortunately, but the former is more than making up for it. I’m working through that shift right now. Is it the weight of the armor that’s wearing me out or am I tired of the armor itself?